middle of the night anxiety ...

good remedies for middle of the night anxiety. play AnxietyEase, put on sandals and take a walk. anxious that i will run out of things to do. if you take a walk you'll never run out of things to do. starting to feel horny @ 12:16am not good. Bing now. good.

REAL worry about my LIFE ...

i'm starting to really worry about what i'm doing now. felt really sad when i saw the Downtown Toyota ad in the newspaper i'm using for my pants. those people there were really nice to me all the time.
is it just winter and there are so few people around here? i feel real PANIC in the afternoons. maybe use your AnxietyEase when you start to feel like that. OR get out and see some people on my favorite walk - use BOTH. take walk, come back and if still feel anxious listen to CD (on computer now since my CD's haven't arrived yet or my Union Suit)
is bloody Canada Post just at a snail's pace?. surely my Union suit will not come by Canada Post - why is it taking so long? look into it. taking long time or am i just impatient? the fact is that this time is a real PERIOD of adjustment. take ONE DAY AT A TIME and decide how to handle it as it comes. David moving out and taking retirement almost simultaneously is a real reason to feel this way. so try and understand that you're feeling the way you need to feel. go and see someone?

Iron Age ME ...

Julia @ the British Museum answered ME, whoopee!

i got a wonderful answer to my BM post. now i am in contact with the people i WANT to be in contact with. i will follow-up on all of Julia's suggestions. my response was perfect. "i live in Canada ..."

sleep worry

here i am again worrying about my bloody SLEEP. it's hard to get used to the new pattern of 1st and 2nd sleeps. realistically it's working very well. i have my 1st sleep for about 3 hours, get up and am very productive. then i have my 2nd sleep for about 4 hours. seems to be a well developed pattern. SO WHY AM I WORRIED all the time about it? you are just so used to worry, i guess. many things have changed but that one will have to wait for change. in the mean time, try to not get in such a flap about it.

do ancestry with Linda's geneology

i decided to forget ancestry.com - costs money. got a message from About archaeology but it sure wasn't personal. 11th century is not 700bc to 0ad. that was a waste of time. read about sites and see video again and make your wool jacket. starting to feel bad again. went to bed and slept for 3 hours but seemed to be too short. fear that my sleep thing is not working. also had another frightful day at Richmond Centre. i think i was just TOO HOT. need to try and wear shoes when taking the bus and waiting around for things in the cold, damp air. got a slight cough from going from super hot mall into cold, damp outside. was JUST FINE on my afternoon walk with sandals, socks, big sweatshirt and regular plaid pants. starting into my fear thing again. fear of the fear. trying to get all involved in some new project seems to lead to disappointment. so try to take one project at a time. finish it. then move onto another project. LOOKING FORWARD TO SPRING! everyone out and walking dogs, a lot of people are around and i hope to feel good (not perfect) by then. hope to solve my weird feeling in malls. test out being TOO HOT.

Precious David and Leah ...

took me out to coffee today. How great to see them and share some time with them.

brand new interest - IRON AGE BRITAIN

i'm really looking forward to finding out about Iron Age Festivals and seeing if there have any support here. then i'll go to one. GOODIE. heard from Linda - we certainly have out differences but she is my only family apart from David so i WANT to keep in regular touch during this rather difficult transition time from working to not-working. i'm off cloud nine and in reality, so i need all the "company" i can get. didn't hear from libby today, that's good.
i signed up for an Archaeology newsletter from About.com. Probably useless, but BBC hasn't produced anything. FIND A REAL FORUM or Message board for Archaeology. Good luck.

i'm SAD about Ted ...

i haven't heard form him for 2 weeks now. have i truly ruined our friendship this time? or is he just busy? i don't think it's wise to email or contact him via his website, so i'll just be patient until Christmas and then send him a message on his tomorrow's garden site.

learn HOW TO BE A FRIEND ...

i don't know how to be a friend. Libby seems to wan to be friends, so i'll try to reach out to her as she has reached out to me. she makes me annoyed at her know-it-all attitude but no one's perfect.
i'm sad about Ted but my friendship with Libby seems to be progressing. it's lonely here now as everyone is gone. i can't wait until Spring when hopefully more people will be out and about.

OCEAN & Pulses ...

this Whole Night seems to work better than just the pulses. i think i did the 1st and 2nd sleep thing last night. it will be interesting to see if i still need a NAP around 3pm
went back to my old just pulses CD. started to get a real reaction to the Ocean + Pulses CD one time i woke up.

AnxietyEase

WOW! does that work! i lay down on my little bed for 1/2 hr and all the stuff (i was starting to worry about just watching TV all day and now i feel like going to Rona and going to Sav-on Foods + Whole Foods tomorrow. GOOD! thank you Yan

scabs mostly gone

my thousands of tiny pin size scabs are mostly gone. replacing big eruptions are dark coloured patches like age spots. that's fine who sees my back?

Marajuana WOW!

as i was cleaning out the freezer i came across 1/2 of a Marajuana cookie. i said to myself, "this has NO affect on me so i'll just eat it". well later i could barely walk. now all i have to do is try to figure out what to do about Ted, what to do about Libby. I''ll just wait until sat to answer Libby (yes, she's doing that super annoying FEMALE thing) and i'll just wait indefinitely for Ted to write or not.

i need FRESH AIR ...

@ 2:30am i discovered that the furnace and i need fresh air. how will this affect my being able to go back to sleep? no one has replied to my latest Insomnialand post. oh well, that's life. i"ll keep posting discoveries anyway.

hair not growing out evenly AT ALL ...

it's at least 1" longer than i cut it on top now (how long since i cut it? maybe 1 month? growing fast on top and a bit fast at lower back but it's now growing at all in crown. wierd or wierds. DO NOT share this with Ted. undo as much as you can and keep your fingers quiet with him. 

i have a NEW friend, Libby

Libby from Facebook is my FRIEND. online is better than in person in many ways. if they start to annnoy me (Libby started in telling me about how good walking was). please, i know that. but then she came back with much needed support for my feeling sad about David moving out. good. she is as good a friend as i can count on. i'll have to try and re-think about my relationship with Ted. he's only willing to accept the "normal" things. he isn't willing or able to see beyond what he already knows. my Ivy is white and it's because i put it in a dark corner almost absent of light. why is this so hard to accept? also he is uncomfortable with my body changes. i know that i've lost 2 1/4" and i think my arms MAY have grown longer. but just to pacify him next time you answer him (don't initiate anything) i'll say that i was mistaken about the arms and i may have gradually shrunk over years without knowing it. they say as we grow OLD (emphasize the OLD) we grow shorter.
back to Libby. she is probably one of those humans (are Men like this?) who thrive on other women's problems and won't let them go even after the lady she is trying to help (in theory at least) is not in need of her help? only time will tell.

it's a NEW DAY ...

today Wednesday 28 Nov 2012 i feel GREAT! i got a marathon sleep/rest/quiet last night. went to bed @8:30, got up and ordered Yan's new CD AnxietyEase, played it, lay down on my nice day bed in Tequila's room. got up (pretty much woke up) @ 6:15am. boy did i need that rest!
i tried on my sandals with thin yellow socks and big green soccer socks (i won't say who these socks belonged to) and they feel GREAT. maybe this combo (sandals and 2 layers of socks) is better than my old Adidas. my toe (4th meta on right foot) feels just like normal. GOOD. i'l take a short excursion to the now Best Buy today. go at around 10:00am.
are going to order Yan's tracks when i hear back from him. in the meantime, listen to my downloaded tracks on my precious Bunny's shoulders. see there are other precious things in my life besides my son David. my Bunny, memories of precious Boris,

feeling sad and kind of DOWN ...

i'm starting to feel sad about David moving out. i need to stay busy for the next little while. Thursday i'm going to Beefway Meats via HandyDART. my foot hurts (actually it's my right foot 4th Metatarsil. tip of toe. i'll need to wear my sandals or slippers out tomorrow (and Thurs?) SOBBING EPISODE right now. i feel sad about TED too. Tequila is the only constant in my life now. and she is SOOOO constant. what a neat cat! she's my ROOMMATE now. i have to make some MORE friends. where? online friends are limited. you'll fee better when your latest sewing project is complete.

David ...

David has moved out. i feel a kind of PANIC and a bit of anger too. he went on about him being there for me and now i'm completely on my own AGAIN. i would far prefer to be completely in charge of my finances, etc.. i've been fearful for so long it's not surprising that i feel this way. it's unrealistic to think that all of my old feeling have disappeared.
about TED - i want to curtail this daily stuff. so it's good that he's gone back to work. i'm going OUT to get my printer ink today (or get another printer that isn't so bloody expensive to run).

cute vest

i hope this vest i'm working on turns out CUTE. looks promising following my cute photo lots of things seem possible now. this is the pattern fabric - maybe in the summer i'll make another vest with cute fabric.

Ivy turned WHITE inside ...

1st cute photo of ME ...

SDC12842 from 2009_11_08  BEST ... sent to Coq. office 10 Dec. haven't heard from Peter or ?? starting to worry that my $1,000 is not reclaimable. Oh sigh - will I ever stop worrying about everything? Worst case senario, can't claim money so you get more money from GIC. that's how i will handle it.

i've LOST > 2" in height!

i measured myself on OUR measuring post in the kitchen and i'm not 5'3 1/4" WOW! this is a loss of more than 2". my theory is working. now how can i translate this into feeling better about my flabby stomach, sagging boobs?
ANOTHER MILESTONE

that's TYPICAL

yesterday i was in a BIG FLAP because Ted didn't reply. today i'm in another flap because Ted didn't really want me to write a book. SO WHAT?? does that make him less of a friend? of course not. GROW UP!

1st day ...

this is the 1st day that i can really melt into life. i feel like a squishy banana, i can drift into sleep (just a second) i wonder that Ted thinks i should write about?

getting the BIG HEAD

it appears that i'm starting to be something of a spokesman for sleeptracks? don't get the big head - no one likes a big head.

my friend TED

i'm so HAPPY that i didn't ruin my friendship with TED. he's very important to me. i got a comment on my "i can SLEEP - revision 3" video from him a full 24 hours before. so i didn't need to worry about it for at least 24 hours less than i did. good lesson though. don't do things that you ar the least bit uncomfortable with.

warm water ...

warm water on my head seems to have the same effect as warm/hot water around my hips. seems to get rid of my stomach discomfort. riding body of salt by eliminating it from pours in head?

i'm already THERE ...

i can't believe it but i already have THE BODY I WANT - it just is camoflauged  with cellulite (who cares if it's cellulite - its FAT isn't it? and i WANT FAT on my hips, butt, etc.)

is this unrealistic? you're a 69 year old woman - is it realistic to expect to regain the body of a 20 year old? right now i want to go with what i actually have. drooping tits, cellulite, etc.

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH - you ARE there lady!

11 hours of SLEEP +

i walked to champlain mall today in pouring rain. i completely forgot about my beautiful oil skin jacket from LONGSHORE. now i will never have to be we again - unless i want to. washed my hair coming and going.

Sunday afternoon and i feel FINE

i  hope that my skin rash and my back problems, et cetera are all gone now that i've started to think rationally.

i hope i didn't ruin my neat friendship with TED

me and my stupid riskay shit with my stupid tit shit. now it's gone and the original video is in it's place.

TV on all the time ...

this sunday afternoon it's not COMFORTING, just ANNOYING!!

sunday - feeling lonely? tired? exposed?

is it sundays or is it not seeing David or what that makes me feel lonely. i may take a bike ride to get rid of the lonliness. TED not answered. afraid he offended by my X-rated video. i'm feeling lonely BECAUSE i'm TIRED!!! take a nap in a PRIVATE place. NOT your computer room. NOT PRIVATE! also sobbing tears + shaking body = fine again. GOOD LESSONS.

dr millar - cute

went to burnaby general again last night. went to RCSS this am to fill dr. millar's prescription for the RASH on my body. he said i was A - OK!!!

HOODIE - back to the future

Brentwood Town Centre today - I HOPE

i'm feeling better than i did yesterday and hope to go to Brentwood today. i'll leave around 8:45am

stomach ache today

COFFEE gives me stomach aches. drink coffee at your peril. BIKE RIDE .. not now. feel too lousy (COFFEE) my wonderful WREATH turned out gorgeous!!! energizer bunny complimented me on it this AM. GOODY!

CHAMPLAIN today ...

i walked to the mall in RECORD time. finally figured out how to keep my bloody back/butt from hurting. step onto your toe when you are walking or climbing stairs. this also develops my calf and thigh - BAD word - muscles.

what shape will i end up with?

i doubt that i will end up with wide hips - my genetics don't support that. anyway all i really want is to FEEL GOOD and look reasonably OK for a 69 year old woman.

my neighbourhood revisited ...

cute video ...

few people have seen this video of mine. i've always liked it.

zoom, ZOOM, Z-O-O-M *&+$@# ...

here i am on 14 november thinking that i will take it easy today. WELL, that lasted for all of 10 minutes. then i was OFF TO REMODEL MY KITCHEN, bath? et cetera. that's the OLD ME. i don't look too bad considering i was really SICK. no i wasn't sick in this photo - i was into making my videos and Tyler was my boss so i was better than i was in 2005 (that was nervous breakdown time)

SALT is the varmit - i think ...